Issue 12  •  Spring 2013

S&M: OMG!

Written by Charlie Glickman
Active Image  Lots of people have fantasies about kinky sex, and it can be lots of fun to do. But it’s important to know some of the basics to make sure you’re both getting what you want out of it. So in the next couple of paragraphs I’d like to review the importance of staying safe and educated while exploring fantasies. 



SMBarbieSmall.jpg
Lots of people have fantasies about kinky sex, and it can be lots of fun to do. But it’s important to know some of the basics to make sure you’re both getting what you want out of it. So, in the next couple of paragraphs I’d like to review the importance of staying safe and educated while exploring fantasies.
Different Fantasies 
Before you get started, talk with your partner about what you find exciting. It might be the fantasy of giving up control. Maybe it’s not being able to move. It could be about being able to struggle and strain against bondage. Or maybe you want to try different sensations like spanking. Or you’re curious about role play. Different desires means different approaches, and you want to both be on the same page.

If you’re not sure what it is about kinky sex that turns you on, pick up a book of kinky erotica stories. One fun way to use them (besides a little one-handed reading) is to highlight the sections that you find especially arousing. You can share the book with a partner or have them highlight their favorite scenes too.

Safety 
Before you get going, there are some important safety tips that will make sure your bedroom fun stays fun.

Choose a safeword. A safeword is a code word that means “stop” or “I need a break.” There are two important reasons to use a safeword. First, some people like to play with the fantasy of struggling. If saying “No! No! Please stop!” turns you on, it’s important to have a clear way to tell your partner when you really mean stop. Second, the word “no” can be challenging for some people to say or to hear, especially in a passionate moment. A safeword is often much easier. Some examples of safewords include: “red” (for “stop”), “yellow” (for “slow down”), and “time out.” If you’re using a gag to muffle your partner’s moans, let them tap out on the bed or on your arm. Or give them a set of keys to hold in their hand to drop on the floor if they need to call a time out.

One of the biggest reasons kinky sex can go wrong is that people rush into it. But there are lots of pitfalls you can avoid with a little information and going slowly. If you want to try bondage out, start off with something lightweight, for instance, these restraints like Cuff Love or Super Cuffs. They’ll give you the sensation without overdoing it. Just be sure you can slip at least two fingers between the restraints and your partner’s wrists or ankles to make sure you’re not restricting blood flow.

Never use scarves or ties for bondage—if your partner pulls against them, the knots can tighten too much. It’s also important to give your partner room to move. The more restricted they are, the less time they can be in that position. You’ll have more fun if you give them a little wiggle room.

Rope bondage is a lot of fun, if you take the time to learn some basic skills. There are some great books that are full of instructions and photos so you can start tying your partner up.

Spanking can be really exciting. For some people, it’s the fantasy of being punished for being naughty. For others, it’s the sensation, especially when it’s combined with other pleasures. If you’re new to spanking, it’s a good idea to focus your attention on the bottom. There’s a lot you can do on the butt cheeks and the body is usually pretty well-padded there, so you don’t need to worry about causing damage. Plus, when you spank someone’s butt, you can indirectly stimulate their genitals, especially if they’re in a position that allows them to rub against your leg or a piece of furniture. Just be careful to avoid hitting the tailbone and never hit on the kidneys.

You may find that as you get turned on, things start to feel different. Sexual arousal increases our ability to feel strong sensations, so it’s a good idea to start off lightly and ramp up. Combining or alternating spanking with other pleasures can be a great way to increase the fun. Or you might want to get turned on before you start spanking. Lots of people like to switch from spanking to gentle caresses or the feeling of a fur or fleece glove. Play around with it and you’ll discover what feels good to you.

Getting More Info

While porn can be good inspiration, it’s terrible education. Porn movies don’t show how it works in real life, so grab a copy of SM 101: A Realistic IntroductionThe New Topping Book, or The New Bottoming Book  for all of the info you need to start exploring your desires and fantasies. And while there’s plenty of great info online, there’s also a lot of inaccurate or unhelpful stuff, too. It’s important to make sure you’re playing safe, so be sure you get your advice from someone who knows their stuff.

Have fun!

Share this post